home

I left my problems and the broken pieces of my heart scattered along the highway as I sang, screamed, and cried my way into the big city. Bit by bit the dead and darkened pieces flaked off. I arrived new, flawless. Here I am.

pain vs. pain

I go back to an old familiar pain. Like an ancient friend, it welcomes me, feels comfortable. I try to escape this new pain. It sears, white hot. Impossible to ignore. Demanding, and unforgettable. I focus on old problems with cemented solutions, I know I cannot change their outcomes. The new pain screams at me, claws at the walls of my heart. I try to ignore its tantrum. Old pain, familiar paths I've walked over and over. And overcome. New pain. Refusing to be overlooked. Deal with me, deal with me! My strength is gone. My resolve has melted away. I am what I have always dreaded and looked at with disdain. I am weak. I am miserable. My company is my pain, always there, never gone. Not always first and foremost, but a constant in my background, always in the back of my mind, the hurt in my heart.

new legs

I am unsteady. I wobble on my new, weak legs, trying to support myself. Have I been leaning on you for so long? So long that I've forgotten these legs of my own? Legs to stand tall, legs to stretch, legs to run, legs to go my own way. I have memories of journeys traveled, long distances gone. Can I really do that again? I try to walk. Its so much easier to lean on you. I attempt to run. I can't do it, won't you hold me up again? I look down at myself, so small, so weak. A shadow of what I once was. Shameful. Pathetic. I long to be the strong, independent, graceful me of the past. I look at my journey ahead, long and full of hard work and pain. I glance back at you, tears in my eyes, and I take my first step forward. I stumble and fall. It won't be the last time. But I get back up, and I take another step. I can do this. These are my new legs. They'll carry me to amazing new places. Yes, I will do this.

The Problem With Dreams

That's the problem with dreams, my dear
they're most often untrue
and when you wake up alone
your longing is refreshed, anew


You're wishing, wanting, and waiting
this time for me to come
but you cannot have me, love
and it's time for sleep to come


So close your eyes, my sweet
take a deep breath, a sigh
imagine my arms around you
and your dreams will come alive


Suddenly I'm there
my hands are on your face
my kisses fall upon your lips
my arms slip 'round your waist


You smell my sweet perfume
and hear my voice, a song
I tell you how much I love you
as we slowly walk along


Long paths we roam together
exotic places we go
the scenery we take in
is simply each other's souls


Though we try to ignore it
we see around the bend
the sun is getting closer
this dream coming to an end


So hold onto these last moments, dear
cling to the warm, sweet sleep
one more kiss upon my lips
and wake to the songbird's cheep


The sun is sitting high now
and no matter how you try
you can't revisit that dream land
or the love you kissed goodbye


So before you start your day, my love
lay back, wake slow
let a smile part your lips
for tonight, more's to follow

regrets of a father

Harsh words, broken glances
Cold looks, violent absense
So many regrets, so much lost time
Remember when I thought you were mine?
Troubled memories cloud my past
Smiles and laughter gone too fast
Why didn't I see? Didn't I know?
A blink of an eye, look at you grow
I can't take back the words I said
Can no longer tell stories to you before bed
No more hugs or piggy back rides
Can't go back, I get no second tries
All I can do is look is your eyes
Get down on my knees, apologize
Beg that you don't do the same to your own
Tell them you love them for as long as you've known
Hug them, kiss them, hold them so tight
But always encourage them to grow wings, take flight
I love you, my dear, I know its too late
Somehow I disguised impatience as hate
Never told you before, I'm blaming my pride
But I'm telling you now, I can no longer hide

lovers apart

I gave you my soul, every part of me
Opened up my world, completely, whole-heartedly
You opened my eyes, made the world shine
Never thought I'd find a heart just like mine
You made me smile, changed my whole life
Even thought of making you my wife
When I was alone, feeling the weight of the world
You'd gather me up, defeated, unfurled
You'd whisper in my ear strength and grace
Lift up my chin, your hands on my face
You'd wipe my tears away from my cheek
With just one look, you made me weak
Then somehow, everything changed overnight
Your feelings have changed, your words full of spite
How could this happen? I don't understand
I'm left with questions, confusion, unmanned
I don't know what, I don't know why
All I can do is sleep and cry
They all say "It will get better"
All I can do is write you this letter
Don't leave, my dear, with a hard heart
Just because our ways must part
I love you dearly, I always will
A void in my heart, you'll always fill
I wish you happiness, love, and light
You've taught me so much of love and life
You will always be my friend and lover
Don't forget me when you find another
Look back on this, learn lessons abound
And never forget the love that you found

Hope and Despair

At first, I saw you from afar
You didn't move, stayed where you were.
I thought, "Oh wow, look at that hair!"
All at once, gave me hope and despair.
I shyly tried to catch a glance
With my heart, thought, "Give me a chance!"
I looked at your style, at what you wore
All at once, gave me hope and despair.
You listened to music, bobbed your head
I was so intimidated
Then you got up, pushed in your chair
All at once, gave me hope and despair.
You left, walked out, my throat closed up
"Come on!" I thought, "Just speak up!"
You walked into the wind, ooh that hair...!
All at once, gave me hope and despair.
I'll see you again, mysterious man
I'll do what I have to, do what I can
I'll give you my name, pull up a chair
All at once, give you hope and despair.