Harsh words, broken glances
Cold looks, violent absense
So many regrets, so much lost time
Remember when I thought you were mine?
Troubled memories cloud my past
Smiles and laughter gone too fast
Why didn't I see? Didn't I know?
A blink of an eye, look at you grow
I can't take back the words I said
Can no longer tell stories to you before bed
No more hugs or piggy back rides
Can't go back, I get no second tries
All I can do is look is your eyes
Get down on my knees, apologize
Beg that you don't do the same to your own
Tell them you love them for as long as you've known
Hug them, kiss them, hold them so tight
But always encourage them to grow wings, take flight
I love you, my dear, I know its too late
Somehow I disguised impatience as hate
Never told you before, I'm blaming my pride
But I'm telling you now, I can no longer hide
Monday, April 26, 2010
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
lovers apart
I gave you my soul, every part of me
Opened up my world, completely, whole-heartedly
You opened my eyes, made the world shine
Never thought I'd find a heart just like mine
You made me smile, changed my whole life
Even thought of making you my wife
When I was alone, feeling the weight of the world
You'd gather me up, defeated, unfurled
You'd whisper in my ear strength and grace
Lift up my chin, your hands on my face
You'd wipe my tears away from my cheek
With just one look, you made me weak
Then somehow, everything changed overnight
Your feelings have changed, your words full of spite
How could this happen? I don't understand
I'm left with questions, confusion, unmanned
I don't know what, I don't know why
All I can do is sleep and cry
They all say "It will get better"
All I can do is write you this letter
Don't leave, my dear, with a hard heart
Just because our ways must part
I love you dearly, I always will
A void in my heart, you'll always fill
I wish you happiness, love, and light
You've taught me so much of love and life
You will always be my friend and lover
Don't forget me when you find another
Look back on this, learn lessons abound
And never forget the love that you found
Opened up my world, completely, whole-heartedly
You opened my eyes, made the world shine
Never thought I'd find a heart just like mine
You made me smile, changed my whole life
Even thought of making you my wife
When I was alone, feeling the weight of the world
You'd gather me up, defeated, unfurled
You'd whisper in my ear strength and grace
Lift up my chin, your hands on my face
You'd wipe my tears away from my cheek
With just one look, you made me weak
Then somehow, everything changed overnight
Your feelings have changed, your words full of spite
How could this happen? I don't understand
I'm left with questions, confusion, unmanned
I don't know what, I don't know why
All I can do is sleep and cry
They all say "It will get better"
All I can do is write you this letter
Don't leave, my dear, with a hard heart
Just because our ways must part
I love you dearly, I always will
A void in my heart, you'll always fill
I wish you happiness, love, and light
You've taught me so much of love and life
You will always be my friend and lover
Don't forget me when you find another
Look back on this, learn lessons abound
And never forget the love that you found
Hope and Despair
At first, I saw you from afar
You didn't move, stayed where you were.
I thought, "Oh wow, look at that hair!"
All at once, gave me hope and despair.
I shyly tried to catch a glance
With my heart, thought, "Give me a chance!"
I looked at your style, at what you wore
All at once, gave me hope and despair.
You listened to music, bobbed your head
I was so intimidated
Then you got up, pushed in your chair
All at once, gave me hope and despair.
You left, walked out, my throat closed up
"Come on!" I thought, "Just speak up!"
You walked into the wind, ooh that hair...!
All at once, gave me hope and despair.
I'll see you again, mysterious man
I'll do what I have to, do what I can
I'll give you my name, pull up a chair
All at once, give you hope and despair.
You didn't move, stayed where you were.
I thought, "Oh wow, look at that hair!"
All at once, gave me hope and despair.
I shyly tried to catch a glance
With my heart, thought, "Give me a chance!"
I looked at your style, at what you wore
All at once, gave me hope and despair.
You listened to music, bobbed your head
I was so intimidated
Then you got up, pushed in your chair
All at once, gave me hope and despair.
You left, walked out, my throat closed up
"Come on!" I thought, "Just speak up!"
You walked into the wind, ooh that hair...!
All at once, gave me hope and despair.
I'll see you again, mysterious man
I'll do what I have to, do what I can
I'll give you my name, pull up a chair
All at once, give you hope and despair.
The Story of a Heart Broken Twice
He texts me at work.
Shatters my world with his words.
He confesses he still has feelings for me, still wants me. He’s with her, but wants me.
My heart, which I’ve healed over the past few weeks by rejecting every idea of him, all of a sudden it aches. It hurts and cries out for him.
I leave work; get into my car, burst into tears.
Can I handle this?
I drive home, walk into my apartment, and my roommate has guests over; they all see my tears. I shut myself in my room. She asks everyone to leave and gets in the shower. As soon as the water is on, I arrange my pillows under my blanket and I’m out the door. She never knew I was gone.
I ran away and it felt so good.
So I go to his house. He has to sneak me in so his girlfriend doesn’t find out We start watching a movie.
He looks at me.
You can sit on the bed with me, you know? he says.
So we’re laying on the bed, and his arm is touching mine, then his foot is touching mine, and granted I’m not moving and slowly but surely, we get closer. At one point, I even sit up. I’m being the responsible one.
The movie ends.
We start to talk.
His girlfriend is away for awhile, he says.
Oh, so this doesn’t count? I say. Heavy on the sarcasm.
So I lay it out for him: We’re not having sex, I say.
That’s fine, he says. He apologizes for the way things turned out.
I do too.
He asks for a hug.
That’s not such a good idea, I say.
Why not? he says.
I shrug. Think it’s pretty obvious.
We lay in the dark for about thirty seconds and then he grabs my hand and pulls me into a hug and I’m a goner…I’m so far gone, I’m in so deep, I can’t even find his bedroom anymore. I hold on tight because I can’t even fathom letting go. I try not to cry.
Then I push him away.
He grabs me again, pulls me back into that beautiful hell.
How can you do this to me? I say, choking back tears.
Do what? he asks.
You’re breaking my heart all over again, I say.
No response.
How selfish of him….but I still can’t let go.
I’m just holding you over until she gets back, I say.
No, he says, that’s not what I want you to think at all.
He pulls his face back and I can feel his warm breath.
You don’t want to kiss me, I tell him.
I don’t? he asks.
No, you don’t. You don’t want me, I say.
I feel his lips and pull away. I feel them again, I go stiff; they are there and I don’t have the strength to stop them.
At first they’re soft as petals; gentle, affectionate.
Before I know it, they’re all over me, hot as fire and I’m burning up.
After all this time, I still can’t escape this beautiful hell.
He caresses my face, holds my head to his chest and squeezes my head and kisses my hair and whispers sweet secrets in my ear. The passion is amazing. I take no responsibility for the love affair that ensues but I keep my promise and don’t make love to him.
After a couple hours, I fall asleep in his arms and he’s holding me tight, holding me just right, the way you hold a girl that you love and never want to let go. And for the first time in a long time, I feel so happy. I’m not waiting for the other shoe to drop.
How can something this perfect and passionate ever be wrong? ever not prevail?
I fall asleep with a smile on my face and a kiss on my lips.
I get woken up at 4 a.m.
Time for round two, I guess.
I’m not for it. It wasn’t loving; it was urgent.
I pull back and things calm down.
We start talking.
This can’t happen again, he says.
Define “this,” I say.
He gestures to our entangled bodies.
So we can’t even be friends? I ask.
Probably not, he says.
He starts coming at me again and I try to stop him.
I put my fist on his chest. He doesn’t get it.
I pull away, pause, start grabbing my clothes and leaving.
What are you doing? Where are you going? he keeps asking.
I tell him, well it makes no sense for me to lay here with you when I obviously want something that you don’t. You’re not willing to give her up. I mistakenly had false hope that you would choose me.
I’m fighting back these stupid tears again.
I leave.
He doesn’t stop me.
I get in my car.
Burst into tears.
I get home, sneak in.
Crawl into my cold, empty bed.
Cry myself to sleep.
Again.
Shatters my world with his words.
He confesses he still has feelings for me, still wants me. He’s with her, but wants me.
My heart, which I’ve healed over the past few weeks by rejecting every idea of him, all of a sudden it aches. It hurts and cries out for him.
I leave work; get into my car, burst into tears.
Can I handle this?
I drive home, walk into my apartment, and my roommate has guests over; they all see my tears. I shut myself in my room. She asks everyone to leave and gets in the shower. As soon as the water is on, I arrange my pillows under my blanket and I’m out the door. She never knew I was gone.
I ran away and it felt so good.
So I go to his house. He has to sneak me in so his girlfriend doesn’t find out We start watching a movie.
He looks at me.
You can sit on the bed with me, you know? he says.
So we’re laying on the bed, and his arm is touching mine, then his foot is touching mine, and granted I’m not moving and slowly but surely, we get closer. At one point, I even sit up. I’m being the responsible one.
The movie ends.
We start to talk.
His girlfriend is away for awhile, he says.
Oh, so this doesn’t count? I say. Heavy on the sarcasm.
So I lay it out for him: We’re not having sex, I say.
That’s fine, he says. He apologizes for the way things turned out.
I do too.
He asks for a hug.
That’s not such a good idea, I say.
Why not? he says.
I shrug. Think it’s pretty obvious.
We lay in the dark for about thirty seconds and then he grabs my hand and pulls me into a hug and I’m a goner…I’m so far gone, I’m in so deep, I can’t even find his bedroom anymore. I hold on tight because I can’t even fathom letting go. I try not to cry.
Then I push him away.
He grabs me again, pulls me back into that beautiful hell.
How can you do this to me? I say, choking back tears.
Do what? he asks.
You’re breaking my heart all over again, I say.
No response.
How selfish of him….but I still can’t let go.
I’m just holding you over until she gets back, I say.
No, he says, that’s not what I want you to think at all.
He pulls his face back and I can feel his warm breath.
You don’t want to kiss me, I tell him.
I don’t? he asks.
No, you don’t. You don’t want me, I say.
I feel his lips and pull away. I feel them again, I go stiff; they are there and I don’t have the strength to stop them.
At first they’re soft as petals; gentle, affectionate.
Before I know it, they’re all over me, hot as fire and I’m burning up.
After all this time, I still can’t escape this beautiful hell.
He caresses my face, holds my head to his chest and squeezes my head and kisses my hair and whispers sweet secrets in my ear. The passion is amazing. I take no responsibility for the love affair that ensues but I keep my promise and don’t make love to him.
After a couple hours, I fall asleep in his arms and he’s holding me tight, holding me just right, the way you hold a girl that you love and never want to let go. And for the first time in a long time, I feel so happy. I’m not waiting for the other shoe to drop.
How can something this perfect and passionate ever be wrong? ever not prevail?
I fall asleep with a smile on my face and a kiss on my lips.
I get woken up at 4 a.m.
Time for round two, I guess.
I’m not for it. It wasn’t loving; it was urgent.
I pull back and things calm down.
We start talking.
This can’t happen again, he says.
Define “this,” I say.
He gestures to our entangled bodies.
So we can’t even be friends? I ask.
Probably not, he says.
He starts coming at me again and I try to stop him.
I put my fist on his chest. He doesn’t get it.
I pull away, pause, start grabbing my clothes and leaving.
What are you doing? Where are you going? he keeps asking.
I tell him, well it makes no sense for me to lay here with you when I obviously want something that you don’t. You’re not willing to give her up. I mistakenly had false hope that you would choose me.
I’m fighting back these stupid tears again.
I leave.
He doesn’t stop me.
I get in my car.
Burst into tears.
I get home, sneak in.
Crawl into my cold, empty bed.
Cry myself to sleep.
Again.
Dear Husband...
Dear husband,
How long until we meet? How much longer do I need to be patient? You should know by now how terribly impatient I am...I certainly hope, my love, that I make you a very happy man. I hope you wake up in the morning and squeeze me tight. I know already how much I love you, and I'm not even sure if we've met yet. I look at you and see strength. You are the lover of my soul, you're my best friend and I can't imagine life without you. Hold me tight everyday and every night, sweet heart. Never let me go. Whisper into my ear how much you love me, and never let me forget. I'll do everything I can to make you the happiest man in the world. Even now, I regret that you can't have every single piece of me. I'll store up my soul, every corner of my heart until I meet you. I'll save it all for you, my one true love. All I ask is that you love me fully, completely, and passionately; love me the way our God intended you to. You know, He made us just for each other. As He molded your heart, He said, "Allyssa would love this. I'll do this just for her," and vice versa. I'll write again soon, my dear. Stay patient and I will too. I love you before and after time.
Love,
Allyssa
How long until we meet? How much longer do I need to be patient? You should know by now how terribly impatient I am...I certainly hope, my love, that I make you a very happy man. I hope you wake up in the morning and squeeze me tight. I know already how much I love you, and I'm not even sure if we've met yet. I look at you and see strength. You are the lover of my soul, you're my best friend and I can't imagine life without you. Hold me tight everyday and every night, sweet heart. Never let me go. Whisper into my ear how much you love me, and never let me forget. I'll do everything I can to make you the happiest man in the world. Even now, I regret that you can't have every single piece of me. I'll store up my soul, every corner of my heart until I meet you. I'll save it all for you, my one true love. All I ask is that you love me fully, completely, and passionately; love me the way our God intended you to. You know, He made us just for each other. As He molded your heart, He said, "Allyssa would love this. I'll do this just for her," and vice versa. I'll write again soon, my dear. Stay patient and I will too. I love you before and after time.
Love,
Allyssa
profound moments
Have you ever had a moment in life and wondered if this was going to be some major profound moment in your life's history that you'll look back on and say, "Wow...I had no idea..." ? Well I might have had one of those moments today...I feel like I shouldn't tell you, lest I jinx it....
But anyways, I've discovered my brave side. I'm embracing life. Also, I'm gonna post some of my latest poems. Let me know what you think! lovee comments...
love to youu
Allyssa
But anyways, I've discovered my brave side. I'm embracing life. Also, I'm gonna post some of my latest poems. Let me know what you think! lovee comments...
love to youu
Allyssa
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