pain vs. pain

I go back to an old familiar pain. Like an ancient friend, it welcomes me, feels comfortable. I try to escape this new pain. It sears, white hot. Impossible to ignore. Demanding, and unforgettable. I focus on old problems with cemented solutions, I know I cannot change their outcomes. The new pain screams at me, claws at the walls of my heart. I try to ignore its tantrum. Old pain, familiar paths I've walked over and over. And overcome. New pain. Refusing to be overlooked. Deal with me, deal with me! My strength is gone. My resolve has melted away. I am what I have always dreaded and looked at with disdain. I am weak. I am miserable. My company is my pain, always there, never gone. Not always first and foremost, but a constant in my background, always in the back of my mind, the hurt in my heart.